Judgement Day

Tonight I played the harpsichord, albeit breifly, in the memorial concert for a violinist who was a principle in the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, and amongst many other things, the leader of the The Bridgewater Band with whom I play. It was a fabulously attended concert - there must have been almost 350 people there. My engagement was simply to play in Pachelbel's Canon - which I did with as much aplomb as is possible with that piece.

Pachelbel's Canon started me wondering about how I judge music. It is a very well known piece of music - everyone, or mostly everyone with in the social construct that is middle class, would recognise it. Musicians tend to look at it suspiciously like it has just walked in off the street with no clothes on. Why do I judge pieces of music other people write as either good or bad? Surely it's this conditioning thing again, and thus how the music reacts with my brain.

There was judgement going on tonight, but in lots of different ways. The music of Pachelbel's Canon didn't excite me like the music that I usually play with that orchestra - there is usually raw passion and excitement going on around me. Obviously I was happy playing, but I didn't walk away with that feeling of fulfilment. The orchestra tonight was augmented by a significant number of RPO players, who were there because of passion. Passion not necessarily for the music, but passion for their late friend. I hope when I go, that half as many people turn up to enjoy their passion and have a good time together. To the extra people there tonight, that violinist, that person, that friend meant a lot to them. They had judged him too - and from what I picked up, they judged him very highly.

It is a shame that we have to go through our lives judging ourselves as failing, when ultimately the test, at least of some success, is the way people hold you. I look at myself and wonder what I'm doing wrong, why I don't feel successful and happy, and I move on to the next thing that will try to gain a feeling of fulfilment. I look at others doing their jobs, and I wonder how they can be so happy when what they do is apparently futile. Of course I have the highest respect for them, but I am seeing lots of people doing unnecessary things in order to improve their judgement of themselves. The people tonight were doing something they wanted to, and at the end had judged the brilliance of their friend for him with a triumphant roar of Mozart and Beethoven.

In awe of the concert whilst walking back along Euston Road, I returned back to my usual judgemental self - a woman passed and I thought she looked like a comedy secret agent dressed up to look old, and then I passed people sitting outsite a pub at Baker St pretending to be in continental cafe culture but instead breathing horrid fumes.

We are funny beings. Everything has to be good or bad, and we always need to better ourselves, but sometimes, we really do miss wood for trees.

Rambling Jon

night night

JL