Knowing other people is intelligence, knowing yourself is wisdom. Mastering other people is strength, mastering yourself is power. If you realize that what you have is enough you are truly rich. Stay in the center and embrace peace, simplcity, patience and compassion. Embrace the possibility of life and you will endure.
A second is no more than a second, a minute no more than a minute, a day no more than a day. They pass. All things and all time will pass. Don't force or fear, don't control or lose control. Don't fight and don't stop fighting. Embrace and endure. If you embrace, you will endure.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
I left work this afternoon to travel to the British Library. Nothing unusual about that. I've been feeling very thoughtful recently - it always comes back to the same problem, and that is that I'm bored; because I'm bored, nothing surprises me anymore - my brain has slowed to the speed of the world around me.
Getting onto the circle line, the obligatory cruising man checked me out - in a totally non-surprising way, he picked up his mobile phone, presumably to check bluetooth for me, and presumably he found me. I just read my book because I didn't feel surprised or engaged by any of it. The tube train smelt of a stale fart - again, not surprising - it always does and always will; if the Romans had invented the London underground, you can bet that if would have smelt like a stale fart. Just before getting off at St. Pancras, a perfectly formed droplet of sweat formed on my upper back and travelled its way down, reflexing my nerves in a sensual but predicted way; this crystalline beauty of nature was destroyed and crushed by my synthetic shirt just as it felt cold above the waistband in the small of my back. A totally unsurprising pleasure.
The British Library is full of rules - in fact it is the most rule-ridden library that I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. You're only allowed to order 10 books a day, you're not allowed to order images by letter, and things are totally inflexible when you ask nicely for them to be changed. But then, everywhere is like that now - we are a society thriving on equal rights, and in this country at least, people create rules in order to make people have authority. However, we all have our own rules, we all stubbornly give ourselves things we mustn't do, and reactions to something because we want to retain our authority as people - our pride and standing.
It occurred to me whilst I was musing about these things, that I can't remember the last time I was surprised by something or someone. I love beauty and perfection, and I see a bit of beauty and perfection in most things. On a proportional scale, the things that have more beauty and perfection I associate myself with more - my close friends I identify as having a beauty and perfection that attracts me greatly (obviously some imperfection is beautiful and attractive as well). Why, however, can't I be surprised? Why do I predict so well? Why am I always disappointed when something appears beautiful but is disturbed by life - just like nature's drop of sweat?
The truth is of course that I am bored, and the beauty and surprise is happening all the time. I don't allow myself to feel surprised because I have given myself that rule. Why, for example, am I surprised when friends reply to text messages, but disappointed when they don't? It is because I have a rule of politeness I adhere to - but that is not beautiful - it is a bad rule. What should be beautiful is that a concious decision is made not to reply - against a conditioned politeness, and creates in its wake a beautiful possibility. Alas, I would see this were I not bored.
Surprise is real. I met my friend Clare in the library. She is off to Los Angeles in a week to become a research fellow. We had coffee together and laughed and bounced ideas and became truly organic: I met Clare on my first day in Cambridge and she is fully spontaneous - it is her beauty. I was surprised, and enjoyed.
The question is, do I become boring and predictable by trying to surprise people myself? I believe I do. I like imagining peoples' reactions to things I do - I like people to smile as a result of Jon. Potential or metaphorical narcissus? Maybe. But am I predictable. Does one cease to be organic if you are bored? Do you work by rules?
Possibly.
Rel has been held up on the mongolian border for about a week with visa problems and trying to explain to people in a small Russian town in the middle of nowhere exactly what she is after. Frustrating to her - to me that sounds exciting - imagine waking each day with a slightly quick heartbeat - what is going to happen today?
I intend to be surprising and work my way out of my boredom. Life change is needed.
Surprise me by doing something out of character if you fancy it ...
JL
Getting onto the circle line, the obligatory cruising man checked me out - in a totally non-surprising way, he picked up his mobile phone, presumably to check bluetooth for me, and presumably he found me. I just read my book because I didn't feel surprised or engaged by any of it. The tube train smelt of a stale fart - again, not surprising - it always does and always will; if the Romans had invented the London underground, you can bet that if would have smelt like a stale fart. Just before getting off at St. Pancras, a perfectly formed droplet of sweat formed on my upper back and travelled its way down, reflexing my nerves in a sensual but predicted way; this crystalline beauty of nature was destroyed and crushed by my synthetic shirt just as it felt cold above the waistband in the small of my back. A totally unsurprising pleasure.
The British Library is full of rules - in fact it is the most rule-ridden library that I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. You're only allowed to order 10 books a day, you're not allowed to order images by letter, and things are totally inflexible when you ask nicely for them to be changed. But then, everywhere is like that now - we are a society thriving on equal rights, and in this country at least, people create rules in order to make people have authority. However, we all have our own rules, we all stubbornly give ourselves things we mustn't do, and reactions to something because we want to retain our authority as people - our pride and standing.
It occurred to me whilst I was musing about these things, that I can't remember the last time I was surprised by something or someone. I love beauty and perfection, and I see a bit of beauty and perfection in most things. On a proportional scale, the things that have more beauty and perfection I associate myself with more - my close friends I identify as having a beauty and perfection that attracts me greatly (obviously some imperfection is beautiful and attractive as well). Why, however, can't I be surprised? Why do I predict so well? Why am I always disappointed when something appears beautiful but is disturbed by life - just like nature's drop of sweat?
The truth is of course that I am bored, and the beauty and surprise is happening all the time. I don't allow myself to feel surprised because I have given myself that rule. Why, for example, am I surprised when friends reply to text messages, but disappointed when they don't? It is because I have a rule of politeness I adhere to - but that is not beautiful - it is a bad rule. What should be beautiful is that a concious decision is made not to reply - against a conditioned politeness, and creates in its wake a beautiful possibility. Alas, I would see this were I not bored.
Surprise is real. I met my friend Clare in the library. She is off to Los Angeles in a week to become a research fellow. We had coffee together and laughed and bounced ideas and became truly organic: I met Clare on my first day in Cambridge and she is fully spontaneous - it is her beauty. I was surprised, and enjoyed.
The question is, do I become boring and predictable by trying to surprise people myself? I believe I do. I like imagining peoples' reactions to things I do - I like people to smile as a result of Jon. Potential or metaphorical narcissus? Maybe. But am I predictable. Does one cease to be organic if you are bored? Do you work by rules?
Possibly.
Rel has been held up on the mongolian border for about a week with visa problems and trying to explain to people in a small Russian town in the middle of nowhere exactly what she is after. Frustrating to her - to me that sounds exciting - imagine waking each day with a slightly quick heartbeat - what is going to happen today?
I intend to be surprising and work my way out of my boredom. Life change is needed.
Surprise me by doing something out of character if you fancy it ...
JL
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