It's curious for me to realise that my last post was over a month ago. My head has only once been more full; you should surely be able to see this on this site? Of course you can - but recently my head has been so full and I have been so sporadic in life to tie down thoughts in order to write them down. It is also interesting that I'm not sleeping much. A great fan of sleep, I often find myself wishing that the day would continue so the next would not continue in the pattern things are assuming. At the moment, I am sitting on my balcony looking over the trees at the 'would-be-beautiful' but 'tainted-by-London-lights' sky. I feel real. I feel me. But I still feel unnecessarily aware of the monotony of my life. Alone. Lonely. Same as yesterday. No progression. No surprises.

We've all said it at some point. It is all a lie. We try to tie ourselves up - we are ashamed of our being. What we are looking for is not something new - I could keep jumping careers and up ladders until I'm dead. What we are looking for is excitement in the spontaneity of love. I've only fallen in love at the most twice, never reciporacated; the search will continue. I know and think that I try and push the abilities of people to help in that search. It is curious how in that particular search - in that curious desire, like more chilli in the curry, we force to find. In return, some amongst us find nothing but falsity and a crash.

Can one have half a dimension?

JL