O Word, worthy of the Most High,
our sole hope, eternal day of earth and the heavens,
we break the silence of the peaceful night.
Divine saviour, cast Thine eyes upon us!
Shed the light of Thy mighty grace upon us.
Let all Hell flee at the sound of Thy voice.
Dispel the slumber of a languishing soul
that leads it to the forgetting of Thy laws!
O Christ, be favorable unto this faithful people
now gathered to bless Thee.
Recieve these hymns it offers unto Thine immortal glory
and may it return fulfilled by Thy gifts.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I've just returned from the Ash Wednesday service at my church. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent - forty days and forty nights of wilderness. The Rector pointed out that whilst giving up certain pleasures in life for Lent was undoubtedly very good for you (and even more so if you give the money saved to charity), the inevitable goal of the period of self-awareness and thought is to become the person you want to be by the end of it.
I've found myself becoming rather obsessed with Jung's ideas on synchronicity recently, and have probably begun reading into life's coincidences just slightly too much. Today, however, I have had a curious mood swing to a sort of half-mood - a mood in half being - the remainder of one I thought I'd put to bed a long time ago. It is curious because on the day that, in the Christian calendar, self-awareness and meditation begin for 6 weeks, blasted apart has been the 'papered-over' inner workings of my emotions. Synchronicity it may be, but it has also made for a very organic day - possibly the most organic in a couple of months; everything has grown out of a disappointing realisation and mood swing early on.
I became very good a few years ago at pushing unwanted things in life around - hiding sadness with joy - being able to put problems into a corner using low brain resource until they sort themselves. The challenge to become 'what I want to be' in 6 weeks through a process of introspective collection is something I fathom almost impossible. I've learnt that to be my true self, I need to open up all the hidden problems, the hidden emotions, the hidden thought, and purge them by opening them at the people they are associated with. Occasionally I try to open thoughts, but I think there are only few people who can fully cope with me being honest - most people will just ignore the openess if I start trying to be honest - possibly because they have similarly moved things to the corner of their 'life playing board'.
So if I'm to be my true open, honest, and emotionally honest self, then I must expect to harm what makes up my life. So is my true self the person who I want to be at the end of Lent? Is there a difference?
Who knows? I think the concept of self-awareness is a good one - a time to consider what has been papered over and what could come blasting out at any given time. It is also a time to purge the issues and problems and emotions that have been soaked up like a sponge. Like a game of snap, by matching up the mental process of a problem thought through - the card of logic with the card of problem or emotion or feeling, Lent can be a cathartic time.
I'm looking forward to this time. It has started.
Time to sleep
JL
I've found myself becoming rather obsessed with Jung's ideas on synchronicity recently, and have probably begun reading into life's coincidences just slightly too much. Today, however, I have had a curious mood swing to a sort of half-mood - a mood in half being - the remainder of one I thought I'd put to bed a long time ago. It is curious because on the day that, in the Christian calendar, self-awareness and meditation begin for 6 weeks, blasted apart has been the 'papered-over' inner workings of my emotions. Synchronicity it may be, but it has also made for a very organic day - possibly the most organic in a couple of months; everything has grown out of a disappointing realisation and mood swing early on.
I became very good a few years ago at pushing unwanted things in life around - hiding sadness with joy - being able to put problems into a corner using low brain resource until they sort themselves. The challenge to become 'what I want to be' in 6 weeks through a process of introspective collection is something I fathom almost impossible. I've learnt that to be my true self, I need to open up all the hidden problems, the hidden emotions, the hidden thought, and purge them by opening them at the people they are associated with. Occasionally I try to open thoughts, but I think there are only few people who can fully cope with me being honest - most people will just ignore the openess if I start trying to be honest - possibly because they have similarly moved things to the corner of their 'life playing board'.
So if I'm to be my true open, honest, and emotionally honest self, then I must expect to harm what makes up my life. So is my true self the person who I want to be at the end of Lent? Is there a difference?
Who knows? I think the concept of self-awareness is a good one - a time to consider what has been papered over and what could come blasting out at any given time. It is also a time to purge the issues and problems and emotions that have been soaked up like a sponge. Like a game of snap, by matching up the mental process of a problem thought through - the card of logic with the card of problem or emotion or feeling, Lent can be a cathartic time.
I'm looking forward to this time. It has started.
Time to sleep
JL
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Beauty against work
The other day, I was in the Production Office talking to some producers, and the sun was setting... The London sun is the most beautiful sunset in this part of the world... the natural beauty of life is the most wonderful tonic to rubbish that happens at other times:
Super - [soo-per] - very good; first-rate; excellent
With words like 'super' and 'spendid' and 'excellent', one could easily catergorize me as a rural clergyman of a certain age. During my college days, it was never far away from my mind since my various friends would regularly plant the seed of Anglican priesthood in my brain. I remain, however, a normal lay-person (you have to be careful with hyphens there) (and I'm not normal, just in case you wondered), but I also happen to use words like 'super' and 'splendid' and 'excellent'.
Sitting here with a not totally unpleasant glass of Australian Shiraz-Merlot, refusing to lament the sorry lack of valentines cards and listening to Mahler 2, it occurred to me that the word 'super' is an empty promise.
Perhaps I should enlighten you. Today I went to a supermarket. A market that is super? An excellent market; a first-rate market; a very-good market? No. It was the most efficient waste of my time and most inefficient waste of space that I have ever seen. How could we have got supermarkets so wrong? A supermarket to me means the bullet train of markets, a high luxury, a place of ease and relaxation. It does not mean nipping in for a stir-fry and a bottle of wine (taking 4 minutes to find), and waiting 15 minutes IN THE BASKET QUEUE!!! What rubbish.
Were the intelligent people viewing a film of Michaelangelo's shopping habits the day someone said, 'I know, in this hi-tech age, supermarkets are still working well - we won't change a thing'. What other places with shelves do I know. How about the British Library? Oh yes... look at the British Library; sitting at my desk, I can search for what I want, add it to a list, go into the library and pick my pile up before going to work at the books. I know what is in each book I order - or roughly; if the book is no good, I won't order it again.
Why then can't supermarkets work on the same principle? Why can't Jon log onto Sainsbury's website search through the lists and go to pick them up later in the day. Why do we need to SEE what we are buying? Why do supermarkets have twice as many staff as they need (warehouse and shopfloor) ? Yes I know that I can have it delivered, but what is the point in missing out the most obvious stage in the process - going to pick up your order? You could even order on the tube on the way home and go to pick your order up. If food wasn't so ridiculously packaged, it may even be cheaper.
Oh I forget - supermarkets like us to buy what we don't need don't they??
RANT RANT RANT.
You may call me Anne Widdecombe - but only for a day.
Just remember next time you go into a supermarket, that there is nothing super about queueing up for 15 minutes to pay money. It is all the WRONG way around.
JL
Sitting here with a not totally unpleasant glass of Australian Shiraz-Merlot, refusing to lament the sorry lack of valentines cards and listening to Mahler 2, it occurred to me that the word 'super' is an empty promise.
Perhaps I should enlighten you. Today I went to a supermarket. A market that is super? An excellent market; a first-rate market; a very-good market? No. It was the most efficient waste of my time and most inefficient waste of space that I have ever seen. How could we have got supermarkets so wrong? A supermarket to me means the bullet train of markets, a high luxury, a place of ease and relaxation. It does not mean nipping in for a stir-fry and a bottle of wine (taking 4 minutes to find), and waiting 15 minutes IN THE BASKET QUEUE!!! What rubbish.
Were the intelligent people viewing a film of Michaelangelo's shopping habits the day someone said, 'I know, in this hi-tech age, supermarkets are still working well - we won't change a thing'. What other places with shelves do I know. How about the British Library? Oh yes... look at the British Library; sitting at my desk, I can search for what I want, add it to a list, go into the library and pick my pile up before going to work at the books. I know what is in each book I order - or roughly; if the book is no good, I won't order it again.
Why then can't supermarkets work on the same principle? Why can't Jon log onto Sainsbury's website search through the lists and go to pick them up later in the day. Why do we need to SEE what we are buying? Why do supermarkets have twice as many staff as they need (warehouse and shopfloor) ? Yes I know that I can have it delivered, but what is the point in missing out the most obvious stage in the process - going to pick up your order? You could even order on the tube on the way home and go to pick your order up. If food wasn't so ridiculously packaged, it may even be cheaper.
Oh I forget - supermarkets like us to buy what we don't need don't they??
RANT RANT RANT.
You may call me Anne Widdecombe - but only for a day.
Just remember next time you go into a supermarket, that there is nothing super about queueing up for 15 minutes to pay money. It is all the WRONG way around.
JL
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Mandate society II
I've been working all evening. Yup as in 9-5 job work. It is now midnight, and it is cold outside. I'm inside, on my second Gin and Tonic and listening to Brahms Intermezzi - all cozy, warming and emotional. I saw James on Sunday for dinner, and he reminded me that I have a blog, and should fill it in more often. I am doing his bidding.
Following on from my previous thoughts on a mandate society, I had more thoughts.
Humans are strange. Humans coupled with their 'beings' are even stranger. Give someone conciousness and the ability to think, and they become lazy and prefer to follow-on like the proverbial sheep. Humans wouldn't be humans without the need to learn from everyone else - life wouldn't work, let alone move the way it does. We do have extraordinary abilities to imitate and nest someone else's egg in the hope it hatches into our own canon of influence. Even the most seemingly 'individual' of us returns with mandate from others in this way. Yes I know - we wouldn't ever have a 'being' if we weren't able to learn from those we respect. But sometimes mandate to do something is accepted too much 'as the way it is'. This process is probably a majority sub-conscious - like lust - part concious, but the actual mechanics being totally sub-concious.
Isn't it wierd, however, that we are all afraid of giving mandate back. 'Rubbish', I hear you say. I think it's true: Jon here likes to play the organ or piano well for people in the hope it might influence them, and for them to respect me lots because of it - there is no fear there. But is that really me? Is that really what I could be showing people - allowing them to decipher? No it's not - it is simply my training in something beautiful that I'm sharing with others; true, my technical flaws and the idiosyncracies of my playing might be endearing, but the music is only seasoned with the inner soul that makes ME.
I wonder, whether our fear of revealing ourselves to others (and society expectation has no small part to play here), stunts the growth of society and is a flaw responsible for years of war and rubbish. By keeping our human soul, what we really think and feel, inside us like a locked diary, we harness our own personal development, we lacerate any attempts to be open, and we reduce the palette of subconcious mandate available to society and thus to ourselves in response. The wealth of experience people could take away from us currently ranks in the 'poor' catergory. Of course we can be worthy, and do good things, and that we must continue, but the actual effect of our true selves is negligible when it is hidden.
We fight the love of food because it will make us fat, we fight the want to love someone because it is not what we 'expect' in a partner, we fight the need to express real views in case there is something to be gained from agreeing with whoever we talk to, we set up rules for friendships that filter things into different boxes.... Do we as humans end up reacting against the very person we are and pretend to be the very person we're not - all because we have carried away too many false mandates - too many 'they've considered what they're doing so I shall do it too' mandates from others.
Does this make the whole of life false? Does it make friendships false and ultimately unsatisfying?
No. We can fight it, and the rare glimpses of reality and soul in others are recognised by us as a concious mandate. The glimpse of beauty and love in someone else is a things to behold, and my life is regularly richer because of it.
JL
Following on from my previous thoughts on a mandate society, I had more thoughts.
Humans are strange. Humans coupled with their 'beings' are even stranger. Give someone conciousness and the ability to think, and they become lazy and prefer to follow-on like the proverbial sheep. Humans wouldn't be humans without the need to learn from everyone else - life wouldn't work, let alone move the way it does. We do have extraordinary abilities to imitate and nest someone else's egg in the hope it hatches into our own canon of influence. Even the most seemingly 'individual' of us returns with mandate from others in this way. Yes I know - we wouldn't ever have a 'being' if we weren't able to learn from those we respect. But sometimes mandate to do something is accepted too much 'as the way it is'. This process is probably a majority sub-conscious - like lust - part concious, but the actual mechanics being totally sub-concious.
Isn't it wierd, however, that we are all afraid of giving mandate back. 'Rubbish', I hear you say. I think it's true: Jon here likes to play the organ or piano well for people in the hope it might influence them, and for them to respect me lots because of it - there is no fear there. But is that really me? Is that really what I could be showing people - allowing them to decipher? No it's not - it is simply my training in something beautiful that I'm sharing with others; true, my technical flaws and the idiosyncracies of my playing might be endearing, but the music is only seasoned with the inner soul that makes ME.
I wonder, whether our fear of revealing ourselves to others (and society expectation has no small part to play here), stunts the growth of society and is a flaw responsible for years of war and rubbish. By keeping our human soul, what we really think and feel, inside us like a locked diary, we harness our own personal development, we lacerate any attempts to be open, and we reduce the palette of subconcious mandate available to society and thus to ourselves in response. The wealth of experience people could take away from us currently ranks in the 'poor' catergory. Of course we can be worthy, and do good things, and that we must continue, but the actual effect of our true selves is negligible when it is hidden.
We fight the love of food because it will make us fat, we fight the want to love someone because it is not what we 'expect' in a partner, we fight the need to express real views in case there is something to be gained from agreeing with whoever we talk to, we set up rules for friendships that filter things into different boxes.... Do we as humans end up reacting against the very person we are and pretend to be the very person we're not - all because we have carried away too many false mandates - too many 'they've considered what they're doing so I shall do it too' mandates from others.
Does this make the whole of life false? Does it make friendships false and ultimately unsatisfying?
No. We can fight it, and the rare glimpses of reality and soul in others are recognised by us as a concious mandate. The glimpse of beauty and love in someone else is a things to behold, and my life is regularly richer because of it.
JL
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
The Rel who came in from the warm.
Today Rel came home. Like football coming home, but with a much more refined tune - probably a cross between Miles Davis and Cesar Franck.
Photos here
Rel is home
JL
Photos here
Rel is home
JL
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