With words like 'super' and 'spendid' and 'excellent', one could easily catergorize me as a rural clergyman of a certain age. During my college days, it was never far away from my mind since my various friends would regularly plant the seed of Anglican priesthood in my brain. I remain, however, a normal lay-person (you have to be careful with hyphens there) (and I'm not normal, just in case you wondered), but I also happen to use words like 'super' and 'splendid' and 'excellent'.
Sitting here with a not totally unpleasant glass of Australian Shiraz-Merlot, refusing to lament the sorry lack of valentines cards and listening to Mahler 2, it occurred to me that the word 'super' is an empty promise.
Perhaps I should enlighten you. Today I went to a supermarket. A market that is super? An excellent market; a first-rate market; a very-good market? No. It was the most efficient waste of my time and most inefficient waste of space that I have ever seen. How could we have got supermarkets so wrong? A supermarket to me means the bullet train of markets, a high luxury, a place of ease and relaxation. It does not mean nipping in for a stir-fry and a bottle of wine (taking 4 minutes to find), and waiting 15 minutes IN THE BASKET QUEUE!!! What rubbish.
Were the intelligent people viewing a film of Michaelangelo's shopping habits the day someone said, 'I know, in this hi-tech age, supermarkets are still working well - we won't change a thing'. What other places with shelves do I know. How about the British Library? Oh yes... look at the British Library; sitting at my desk, I can search for what I want, add it to a list, go into the library and pick my pile up before going to work at the books. I know what is in each book I order - or roughly; if the book is no good, I won't order it again.
Why then can't supermarkets work on the same principle? Why can't Jon log onto Sainsbury's website search through the lists and go to pick them up later in the day. Why do we need to SEE what we are buying? Why do supermarkets have twice as many staff as they need (warehouse and shopfloor) ? Yes I know that I can have it delivered, but what is the point in missing out the most obvious stage in the process - going to pick up your order? You could even order on the tube on the way home and go to pick your order up. If food wasn't so ridiculously packaged, it may even be cheaper.
Oh I forget - supermarkets like us to buy what we don't need don't they??
RANT RANT RANT.
You may call me Anne Widdecombe - but only for a day.
Just remember next time you go into a supermarket, that there is nothing super about queueing up for 15 minutes to pay money. It is all the WRONG way around.
JL
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