No, I'm quite happy with where I am thank you

I started writing this post sitting in a sunroom in Skye where I was on holiday with Henry, Gary and Ben (I wasn't necessarily on holiday in the sunroom, I just happened to be there at the time I was writing). It's occurred to me several times that I had a foetal muse on a bit of paper that was stuffed in the back of my diary, but it was spending an evening talking with Ben that reminded me to do something about it!

In July, I had some dental work done. It cost me £200 to have reconstruction inside my mouth. What was all the money about? I had some teeth shortened and I had a new tooth put in to cover a wonky tooth. The procedure was very impressive - it only took about 30 minutes, and I came out with a new smile that made me feel better. However, for days, even weeks afterwards, I convinced myself that I had made the wrong decision --* I could feel this new tooth in my mouth like a foreign brick. Gradually it got better, and eventually I couldn't notice the difference - my mouth feels like it has always been the way it is. Why is that? Is it because the neuro-senses are stubborn? Why does it take the nerves so long to adapt? They are not proud... they must just be stubborn.

Stubborn is:
1. unreasonably obstinate; obstinately unmoving: a stubborn child.
2. fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute: a stubborn opponent of foreign aid.
3. obstinately maintained, as a course of action: a stubborn resistance.
4. difficult to manage or suppress: a stubborn horse; a stubborn pain.
5. hard, tough, or stiff, as stone or wood; difficult to shape or work.

In August I spent a week in Scotland, on the Isle of Skye, with Hengar and Ben. It is the most beautiful place I have been to in recent memory. Why was it (and presumably still is) such a beautiful place? And why does it take so long to get used to it? Is it like new teeth? Is my mind as stubborn as my neurosystem? It takes so long to get used to because it is something new and free that lets the mind out to walk - that can inhibit the stubborness. Fixed or set in purpose.

All people are stubborn in the way they live their lives; we stubbornly hold onto thoughts, concepts, beliefs, opinions and our pride. Slowly realisation comes that things have changed in the mind, that the balance has tipped, and we silently and secretly (and probably sub-conciously at some levels) realign ourselves with new stubborn floors (and flaws) to stand on. We are as a being too proud to allow flexible thought and to be aware that others can be right or that there is no need to always have a strong opinion. Just look at politics and politics in your workplace, and see how long it can take to change standpoints. No, I'm not going to head for a discussion about the elusive myth of free thought.

It was interesting recently that a friend pointed out, when I told him some of the things I've done in the past year, that it was part of growing up and getting older. Patronising perhaps, but true. We had been talking about friendships and life things, and how the obstinate boundaries I had placed in my mind when I was younger, whilst other people had discovered flexibility, were now breaking down for me too. Things some people aligned to in their late teens and twenties, I was finding myself aligning to in my late 20s. But similarly flexibilities I discovered in my early 20s and thought I had learnt by, I find myself stubbornly repeating. Stubborn I tell you.

Of course - why are we stubborn? We need things to hold on to. That feeling you have when things are going wrong, of falling down a cliff grabbing at the sides trying to get a hold, is significant. By showing strength in our expressions to others, we hold on and we feel moored - and we refuse to move to other mental mooring pegs - we don't realise it is possible to move one rope at a time to another peg without flying off in the wind. It is a shame that people are so proud. If you notice it in yourself, you feel like a wally, if you notice it in others, you just accept it.

Interesting.

JL

* ps blogger.com -- why can I not do an en-rule on your software?